mombrain

Opening Day

Baseball season has begun, and here at MomBrain HQ that means 16-year-old girls have us by the short ones. We have tickets to 20 games, which means trolling for babysitters 20 times. Pizza? Sure! Video? Take your pick! Illicit "Sex in the City" DVDs? Knock yourself out! It's an easy gig. One extremely easy-going Little Guy who goes to bed at 7:30. Cable. Telephone. Oreos. And still we can't find anyone for less than $8 an hour.

Major League Baseball marketing types will tell you that the Mariners are the MLB leaders in "giveaway nights," where fans get a magnet or a bobble head or a poster. Tuesday was "Salute to Armed Forces Night." The stands were marked with large sections of navy blue and green where service members attended in groups. A Navy woman with truly astonishing talent sang "God Bless America." The Marine Color Guard presented the flag. And the fans received commemorative medallions. That were made in China.

Rites of Fall

At last, the Hunt for Red October has ended. Does it mean anything that the Red Sox won on a night with a full moon and a full lunar eclipse? I know not. But the devil is buying ice skates, and the pigs are flying sometime today.

To whoever called me at the bottom of the ninth with two outs, I am sorry I did not answer the phone. The Holy Grail was more important.

Favorite post-game quote: "I don't believe in curses. You make your own destinations." (Manny Ramirez)

And can I say it just one more time ... I LOVE TIVO!!!

Since we're discussing Rites of Fall, I would like also to file a complaint with the Parenting Department, please. Digging through my winter coats used to be a guaranteed lottery ticket. I never found less than $5 in the pockets, and once found almost $30. But here is what I have found so far this year: One fire truck with working siren. One Playmobile garbage man, sans hat. James' much missed coal tender. One half of a petrified Nutrigrain bar, suitable for self-defense. Many, many dead Kleenex-brand facial tissues. But not one penny.

I have issues with this.

Baseball Suckage

Baseball fans in the know will not be surprised to hear that the Mariners are defining a whole new level of suckage. Still, those of us with season's tickets schlep to the ballpark, unwilling to waste the small fortune we paid last January to see the team that promised to be a contender.   Last night we brought the Little Guy, who's been to quite a few games but is only now old enough to pay attention to more than the peanuts and Dippin' Dots.

My favorite moment was when the stadium announcer introduced ICHIRO ... SUZUKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The Little Guy screamed and clapped with the crowd, then yelled "Mommy! Ichiro Zucchini is at bat!!!"

I'm also obligated to record the following conversation between the Big Guy and the Little Guy as we drove into the parking lot before the ballgame.

Big Guy: Well, at least parking is easy since attendance is down.

Little Guy: What's a penance?

Big Guy: Penance is what we're about to pay right now.