The Stages of Rejection

Just as four stages of grief accompany a major loss, MomBrain is here to tell you about the stages of emotion that accompany writerly rejection. This is because a Senior Editor at a Very Large Magazine in NYC has informed MomBrain that her writing is awkward, terrible, uninformative, and bad (her exact words). Then she killed my piece and told me not to contact her ever again.

The last person who rained editorial brimstone around my ears was Mr. W, my 11th grade English teacher who failed my term paper because I was obviously a plagiarist. (How else to explain the use of the word "bucolic," which no 17-year-old would know?) He never did believe me, and only grudgingly raised my grade to a D when I offered to change the word to "pastoral."

But I digress. I have spent the last week gazing at my belly button, crying in my soup, and shaking my fist, remembering every editorial slight I have ever suffered. But I did not waste this experience - oh, no! As every writer knows (even us bad ones), everything is material. So I took notes, just for you. If you are a writer and an editor rejects your work, you may experience the following emotions:

STAGE 1: Disbelief. (What the?) You may experience numbness, shock, or a prolonged out-of-body feeling. MomBrain floated above her own head for several hours.

STAGE 2: Suicidal Intent. (I suck.) Humiliation and self-loathing may accompany visions of your writing tacked to a lunchroom bulletin board, with a pack of editors splashing ramen noodle broth on it as they double over laughing. This may be a good time to ask your partner to hide all sharp objects.

STAGE 3: Murderous Rage. (You suck.) How much does a hit man cost? Does her boss know she treats writers this way? Is it worth $18 to deliver dead roses? Again, hide the sharp objects.

STAGE 4: Peace that passeth understanding. (Om.) You begin to believe your friends who tell you how wonderful you are, even if they are liars. You resolve to take the high road, be the professional, and refuse to stoop to her level. "The best revenge is writing well!!!" you crow, and drag out the novel you started and abandoned during the last NaNoWriMo.

STAGE 5: Reckless abandon. (Screw serenity.) You've already burned the bridge, so what the hell. You blog about it, although you are not so reckless as to name names. Or in Mr. W's case, you give him regular coffee instead of decaf the next time he eats where you waitress part-time.

Comments

[annina_writes]

Sage wisdom, this! I am reminded of a tale from Reader's Digest some time back when a three year old heard her mother complaining mightily in the bluest terms about her editor. A few days later, the mother heard the following from her daughter on the playground. "You are the worst ever, you...you...EDITOR!"

Sometimes there actually IS balance in the universe.

[Vicki Forman]

Yes, I say we get MOMBRAIN back on track!!!

[Rebecca Grabill]

I'm still in stage 2. I hate my life.

My husband's book just sold out its first print run. It was released three weeks ago.

I hate my life.

[apostrophesuz]

I feel your pain. I just got a piece killed - first time ever. The editor called my piece 'inadequate'. Ouch.

Ah yes, my point. You are in good company. You are also a very witty and amusing writer.

Keep up the good work.
ps: these stories of rejection would make good material for a group blog.

Mombrain is taking this "rejection" to serious.....How shall we rally her back to writing again???????

[Ann D]

I hope this isn't why MomBrain no longer posteth.

BTW an equally evil editor told me something similar about 10 years ago. There must be some course on editorial wretchedness that a small percentage of editors take and excel at.

[lily]

Well it made me laugh out loud anyway. She knows nothing that woman. You're a good, funny writer.

[Your Aunt]

Laugh it off ,Dear Margorie,You will be sitting in "her Chair" one day..The difference is you are a real Sweetie ,and she is "NOT"..

[Moniker]

I'd love to have those stages on a poster for my wall. When this happens to me, I tend to go from stage 1 straight to stage 3.

[Liz]

Despite the pain, anger, etc. caused by this woman, I'd say you have the beginning of a great, funny piece about the experience. You'll be able to really laugh when you sell it to someone else. Maybe you can even send this editor a copy -- gratis, of course. Hang in there!

[Ray Rhamey]

How awful. You try to be understanding--she must have been having a very bad day, such as finding out that the marble-sized wart on the end of her nose was just getting started.

But that behavior is unforgivable. Since you clearly have no bridges to burn that...wart...well, why not send a copy of her abuse to her boss--the publisher?

Clearly, her behavior deserves a reaming, not your excellent prose.

Better luck next time.

Ray

[Mom]

Excuse me Senior Editor, this is my daughter you are being negative about!!! Just tell me when and where and I'll bring my cup of tea and have a discussion about my daughter you'll never forget!!!!! Such as very intelligent, loving, always their for others, makes a great cup of tea and the best peanut butter sandwiches, etc. How's that Marjorie?

Love and hugs, Mom

[kbonline]

Here, here. I imagine Ms. Senior Editor is getting payback for her years spent as an editorial assistant - years of fetching and filing and filling in for the receptionist. I imagine she made big promises to herself about how benevolent she'd be when she finally got power of her own. But sadly, it took her many years and the abuse she suffered burned the goodness out of her. So now the cycle continues as she heaps scorn on lowly editors and feels her power by randomly strafing writers when she's having a bad day (since after all, she knows that if only she had a rich husband to support her in her craft, she could out-write you all).

Laugh, I say. At least you've been published, dear.

[Roberta S]

I am not a lying friend. You write great stuff. Ms Senior Editor only acted this way because she cannot write half so well. That's why she's got her panties in a bunch. And that's the unadulterated truth.