mombrain

On Strike

10:30 in the morning and I am proudly, even militantly, still in my pajamas. In fact, MomBrain is so busy collapsing that she cannot possibly shower, get dressed, or do anything except eat jelly toast and drink tea.

It's been a long week, with the Big Guy out of town and the Little Guy sick and housebound. It's been just the two of us, day after day, and I'm sorry but I just cannot play superheroes for one more minute. And so the jet-lagged Big Guy has taken the sniffly Little Guy to Target to buy presents, cards and wrapping paper for the next two birthday parties. Then they will go out to lunch. Then they will go to birthday party #1 until 4:00. And when they return I *may* be dressed.

News and Notes

Sue Eccleston of Windstream Publishing shows us that yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as bad publicity.

Here is one of my very favorite profiles and essays ever written. I also love that someone was creative enough to think of Mister Rogers and Esquire at the same time. Kinda like a tamed down version of Playboy and Jimmy Carter.

If you are a professional freelance writer, you really should subscribe to this.

Sister K of Citizen's Rent has asked me to jump in as guest blogger and co-author. Does she realize she just opened Pandora's Box? Bwah ha ha! The genie's out of the bottle now!!!

Hey, Mom, guess what? I just sold an article to Hooters Magazine! Don't look at me like that, or I will tell the world about your little trip to a topless donut shop.

Opening Day

Baseball season has begun, and here at MomBrain HQ that means 16-year-old girls have us by the short ones. We have tickets to 20 games, which means trolling for babysitters 20 times. Pizza? Sure! Video? Take your pick! Illicit "Sex in the City" DVDs? Knock yourself out! It's an easy gig. One extremely easy-going Little Guy who goes to bed at 7:30. Cable. Telephone. Oreos. And still we can't find anyone for less than $8 an hour.

Major League Baseball marketing types will tell you that the Mariners are the MLB leaders in "giveaway nights," where fans get a magnet or a bobble head or a poster. Tuesday was "Salute to Armed Forces Night." The stands were marked with large sections of navy blue and green where service members attended in groups. A Navy woman with truly astonishing talent sang "God Bless America." The Marine Color Guard presented the flag. And the fans received commemorative medallions. That were made in China.

Shout Outs

Here at Hotel MomBrain we are entertaining Sister K of Citizen's Rent. Sister K is smart. Wicked smart. She also has wicked strong hands, which makes MomBrain and her achey breakey back wicked happy. Sister K also makes the Little Guy wicked happy, because she always shows up with her PlayStation. LG doesn't watch a lot of TV or play many computer games, so a visit from Aunt K is an absolute pigfest of screen time. He is pie-eyed but happy.

Shout Outs ... And speaking of cool aunts, here's a shout-out to Aunt P, whom I have not laid eyes on since I was a star-struck 13-year-old. Aunt P was young, pretty, and wore fabulous boots. She also had serious attitude, and inspired absolute devotion from her nieces and nephews. I'm not sure she ever knew how much we adored her. Here's to you, Aunt P! Mwah! Mwah!

DeLaying Death

Hello. My name is MomBrain. I am a blogaholic. It has been 21 days since my last post. (applause)

I am suffering a bad case of blog block. Not because I can't think of anything to write about. No; in fact, there is too much to write about, and it's causing a traffic jam in my brain.

This blog is almost exactly two years old. In that time, I've written almost exclusively from the "Mom" part of MomBrain. But more and more I'm having to stifle the "Brain" part. At best it feels silly, and at worst irrelevant, to write about the absurdities of my tiny little universe when the larger world is DRIVING ME CRAZY.

I have a Living Will that says I would not want to be kept alive in a persistent vegetative state. But in the sad case of Terri Schiavo, it has become clear that Congress will make the decision for me, regardless of my explicit wishes. So I have instructed my lawyer to remove the Big Guy as the executor of my Living Will,. and replace him with Tom DeLay. If Congress is going to get involved anyway, then let's just cut to the chase and make it easy.

It is my sincere hope that 200 million Americans will join me and ask Tom DeLay to hold their lives in his hands. Do you trust him? Well, do you?